Posted in Movies on January 21, 2010 by Beowulf are selling it for about twelve quid at the moment.



Posted in Music on January 21, 2010 by Beowulf

We can’t get enough of this up here at the moment. Really.

There’s also a wicked cover version which may well end up being at the top of the charts..

Things I hate about chavs

Posted in Culture on December 26, 2009 by Beowulf
  •  Chavs wear cheap sportswear.

You’ve obviously never seen the inside of gym in your life. The “trackie bottoms” tucked in to your socks. Why? WHY? And you know what? Wearing a baseball cap and hoodie makes you look like a duck.

  • Chavs use personal drama to impress others.

“Yeah, well from the age of one I was beaten, shot, stabbed and made to eat sawdust..”. Wow. No way. I’m just going to stand over here now..

  • Chavs play tinny R&B on cellphones.

Get some taste, and some headphones. Really.

  • Chavs use “connections” to impress others.

“Do you know the Smiths..? What about the Jones..? Wicked.”

 There are no chavs here in the Mead Hall. They have their own afterlife, which is basically a huge McDonalds in the sky. They stand outside it and pose whilst smoking cigarettes and pretending to fight. They might go inside and huddle around a coffee for a few hours if it’s especially cold.

And now.. a musical treat

Posted in Music on October 12, 2009 by Beowulf

Beowulf does not love New York

Posted in Dating, Entertainment on October 12, 2009 by Beowulf

Ok, so there is this show on VH1 called ‘I Love New York’, except it’s not about New York at all, it’s about a woman called New York, who is actually really called Tiffany Pollard.

With me so far? Good.

Well, this is a dating show. You see, what happens is that several brave warriors – who also have names seemingly picked at random from a newspaper – try their hand at winning New York, a woman with a bizarrely over-inflated sense of her own attractiveness. She likes some more than others. Then she changes her mind. But eventually one of them gets to take her out. Or something. 

 Ok, well I have couple of  problems with this, namely;-

1) No-one knows what New York looks like without her make-up, wig and push up bra.

New York

New York - somewhere underneath all this lot

I mean, come on. There might be something horrible going on under there. I’m not fighting for a wench just because everyone else is. New York, I suspect that your beauty is as genuine as your name.

2) The whole premise of this show – and perhaps New York’s fame – rests on her eligibility.

So you’re really gonna choose someone to settle down with, New York? You’ll go and bake cakes and raise children in the ‘burbs and leave this whole dating tv thing to someone else? Yeah, right.

3) This all happens under the watchful eye of her Mother.

Yes, her MOTHER. As any spear-thane knows, this is not conducive to romance and reduces the chances of swifan to absolutely none, zero, zilch, nada, nothing. Wōden help us, just the thought of it makes my mead curdle.

Anyway, do watch it. It’s insanely good, even if you have no idea why these proud warriors are even bothering given the plentiful supply of unenhanced, unaccompanied and genuinely available women out there.

Beowulf hails the mighty Boostalk

Posted in Music on October 12, 2009 by Beowulf

Only the fullness of time will prove the musical genius that is Boostalk, and with this video he has left mankind a monument to the eternal glory of hip hop.

Or something.

Opera is wikkid fresh boi innit

Posted in Music on September 29, 2009 by Beowulf