Beowulf’s ultimate list of stuff that is cool

Posted in Random thoughts on September 29, 2009 by Beowulf
  • Hanging out on the beach
  • Heavy and/or pretentious discussions
  • Celebrity gossip
  • Trash tv
  • Collecting memorabilia of obscure bands
  • Classic rock
  • 70’s disco
  • Myth and legend
  • Drinking tea
  • Duvet days
  • Self-righteous drunken conversations
  • Repetitive humour
  • Rebellious yet pointless behaviour
  • Generously proportioned women
  • Most stuff that can be termed ‘bizarre’
  • Ridiculously over-sensationalised and factually bankrupt news reportage
  • Those wierd cartoons you see on TV in the middle of the night on Channel 4
  • Poker

 

Seriously.. feel free to add to the list! Here’s Ian Dury and the Blockheads.

 

The REAL danger of tattoos

Posted in Fashion on May 5, 2009 by Beowulf

You remember how those ‘Skull and Roses’ tattoos were fashionable in the 80’s?

You know how those ‘Tribal Maori’ sleeves and ‘Barbed Wire’ armband tattoos of the 90’s seem a bit passé now?.. 

Well, about those star tattoos on your wrists..

Beowulf presents.. THE X FACTOR DRINKING GAME

Posted in Entertainment on May 5, 2009 by Beowulf

OK, here are the rules – you drink whenever you hear one of these clichés. Obviously, the aim of the game is to get drunk. I’ll leave it to you lot to figure out who wins. Or something.

Ready? Good.

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  • I/he/she/you/they have been on an ‘incredible journey’
  • I really ‘want/need’ this
  • ‘..PLEASE’, directed at ‘Sympathy Judge’ (Cheryl Cole, Paula Abdul, Sharon Osbourne et cetera)
  • The contestant is ‘kooky’
  • The contestant is not conventionally attractive, but (gasp) can sing! Step forward Paul Potts, Susan Boyle et cetera
  • The contestant is disabused of the notion that they are musically and vocally competent by the ‘Antipathy Judge’ (Simon Cowell)
  • ‘You’re wrong, Simon Cowell! You haven’t heard the last of me!’ (Come on, we don’t even hear about the people who win a year after the show finishes!)
  • It’s a split decisison (or too early in the series to boot out the mediocre..) give the deciding vote to the ‘Sympathy Judge!’
  • Contestant cries 
  • I’m doing this for my Grandad / teacher / cat et cetera..
  • ‘I just wanna make a better life for my kids’ (another way of saying this is ‘I want more money’)
  • Sympathy Judge cries
  • Simon Cowell looks offended by less than competent singing (cue rolling eyes!)
  • Audience cries
  • The contestant has personal tragedy..
  •  ..but is ‘stronger’
  • ‘Everyman Judge’ (Randy Jackson) makes blithe and less than insightful commentary about the contestant’s abilities, capped by the address ‘Dawg’
  • ‘Antipathy Judge’ and ‘Sympathy Judge’ fall out! (bonus points for dreary retread in the tabloids)
  • Simon Cowell cries (game over – EVERYONE wins!)
  • Gratutious hyperbole: ‘greatest night of my life’, ‘most amazing thing I’ve ever seen’ et cetera
  • Gratutitous ownage: ‘you made that song your own’, ‘you owned that song’, ‘the night was yours’ et cetera
  • Gratuitous disbelief: ‘I can’t believe I’m here’, ‘that was literally unbelievable’, et cetera
  • Gratutitous discussion of ‘potential’: ‘Tonight you looked like a star’, ‘you have the potential to be world class’.. ( yeah, right – see you in panto next year..)

In fact, screw it. Just get drunk and watch the the musically delusioned slog it out for the first few weeks and lose interest when the whole thing progresses to the blue-studio-clapalong phase..

..And you thought that only good looking people could sing!

Posted in Music on April 12, 2009 by Beowulf

 

Despite the misfortune of posessing faces like a bucketload of spanners, these amazing people can make pleasant noises with their vocal chords. Let’s hear it for the incredible singing uglies!

Britain may have talent – but sometimes it’s as shallow as hell..

Things I have learned from Michael Jackson

Posted in Music on November 1, 2008 by Beowulf

 

Exhibit no. 1;-

Exhibit no. 2;-

Exhibit no. 3;-

Yes, gang violence can be thwarted by the power of interpretative dance.

Also, trilby hats are pretty cool, but only if worn over the eyes.

xx ❤ RIP Michael Joseph Jackson 1958-2009 ❤ xx

The art of the ‘boys vs. girls’ music video..

Posted in Music on October 23, 2008 by Beowulf

( ‘Sex war’ ? Not whilst we have the power of interpretative dance !)

(It almost seems as if you have seen this video somewhere before..)

(Yes.. I’m starting to see a common thread developing.. at least this bunch were a bit friendlier to each other!)

(Note: I would say that Li’l Kim should stick to rap and leave the singing alone until she has had a li’l more practise. That’s not me ‘holding her back’ from anything other than the wrath of Simon Cowell. And Christina.. you’re not black, sweetheart. Neither are you from a tough neighbourhood. Just sayin’. )

Yes, Beowulf raises his drinking horn to the masterful creativity of the music video director! Now, I wonder if there are any music videos out there that feature a group being filmed through a fish-eye lens in Times Square..

Beowulf hails the mighty Rehdogg

Posted in Music on October 21, 2008 by Beowulf

Really, what more can you say about this? It’s a blinkin’ musical masterpiece.

The only thing that concerns me is the cameraman following him into the shower..